It’s me and my dad. The whole place is empty like somebody else’s memory of a Burger King. I get a kid’s meal with a burger in it. Dad gets a Whopper. We sit down and there’s a TV playing. In my memory now it’s a flat screen but I know that’s impossible. Some cartoon hobo cats are on the TV. They’re coveting some fish bones like they’re a Whopper. I am awed by the size of my dad’s burger. He eats such big things. I’ll know I’m big when I can eat big things. The toy in my meal is the guy with the laser eyes from the Burger King commercials. He’s the cool one. Everyone knows. I eat my burger. My burger tastes like literal poop. Dad says eat it anyway. I try. It’s poopie. I eat the fries instead. I will not eat Burger King for another 20 years.
1. “NORM!” is what the audience yelled when they knew they were in the presence of Norm. Imagine now thousands maybe tens of thousands (hundreds?) yelling “Norm” in their living rooms. The 1980s were built for yelling “Norm” There’s no iteration in the multiverse wherein people didn’t yell “Norm” at the TV in the 80s.
2. Recliners cracked to full easement. The rabbit ears soak in all the laughs from thousands of miles away where a bar nestled between Narnia and Never Never Land showed us the misadventures of wacky characters.
3. A lamp sits on a floor in a room half-painted the lamp bare-bulbed. There is no other furniture and a pizza is on the ground. The smell of fresh paint fumes… and Sam Malone has gone to a convent to convince Diane Chambers to leave. It’s a weird episode and it feels like theatre and the pizza is eaten and nobody laughs much but somehow that doesn’t really seem the point not here
3. The gnashing of snow boots and the dismantling of flannel The storm seems hell/bent. There’s a fire and this is probably Truckee, CA and there are cans of shitty vegetables heating and the fire isn’t hot enough but everybody puts aways their snarling to yell “NORM!”
4. There’s the episode when Frasier is a whiny little asshole because Diane broke his little heart Nobody ever feels sorry for Frasier because he’s rich like Diane but unlike Diane he never attempts to empathize with the proles. It is the eternal American struggle between SNOBS and SLOBS
5. There is a humidifier and a mattress is on the ground and it is bedtime for children but nobody is sleeping Grown ups are boring but they get to stay up forever and they have the TV The theme song powers through the house and deep in the human heart everybody wants to go where everybody knows our names and they’re always glad we came So the kids break into the hallway to hear the song and maybe here some “jokes” and get to hear people yell “Norm” and that was better than dreaming